Knowing and believing

Scientists say humans speak an average of 10,000 words in a day. I guarantee you that on any given day at least one of those words will be a form of the root "know" or "believe."

I often pause before saying either of those two, because in my mind, there is a subtle but important difference between them. Whoever I'm talking to may not notice a slightly different shade of meaning, but I'm a stickler for being as accurate as I can be.

"I know this as a fact" versus "Yes, I believe that is true" is a very crucial division that can mean the difference between ending a discussion amicably or parting as enemies. Making the effort to consciously communicate that you don't hold all the answers works wonders toward actually convincing people that what you have to say might actually be valid.

On another level of interaction, think of what line makes someone feel more confident: "I know you." versus "I believe in you."

Belief wins, again.

And here's why I believe it does: belief is an investment. Knowledge, on the other hand, is an accumulation. One gives, while the other takes.

So, consider being a more giving person today. I believe you'll enjoy the benefits.

A Wild Thought Appears

As I huddle
in front of my laptop
on my bed
space heater blasting
heat blanket toasting
kitty nearby
wrapped up in his own tail
purring

I
think to myself
"This is not such a bad life"
I am blessed
Like the cat, I have food to eat and a roof over my head
unlike the cat, I've had to work for that food and that roof
Nevertheless
I am blessed
to be in such a city, in such a country
where I can afford my basic expenses
and then some
Oh yes,
and then some

So I do not worry anymore
about tomorrow
for tomorrow
can
take care of itself

Times gone by and Times to come

Well, it's a new year now. I've got a blank book to fill now with 364 more gloriously pristine pages. Now, will I fill them with beautiful pictures and warm fuzzy thoughts, or soil them with furiously scribbled out attempts and mistakes? Who knows... but either way, It's my book to fill, and by December 31, 2015, it will be like the last one - complete.

Speaking of last year, I think it was a pretty good one. There were definitely a lot of transitions in 2014, but they were fairly well spaced out so it wasn't quite as overwhelming as previous years have been for me.

Here were some major developments:

• My first full-time job
• My first freelance job in a long time
• Finally finding a church I can call home
• Switching bedrooms
• Becoming a board member of the local Swing Dance Society
• Getting a new roommate, losing an old roommate, and getting a new roommate again (who used to be an old roommate)
• Rediscovering my personality type by re-examining my cognitive functions

All of these developments have far-reaching implications that will continue to affect me in this new year, and that is fantastic. But with each new development, I must find a way to improve how I interact with the world.

So, here are some New Year's resolutions!

• I'm going to get my sleep schedule back on track. I don't know entirely how right now, but this needs to happen. I've been losing far too much sleep because of my crazy holiday schedule (retail is the worst possible sector to work in over the holidays, by the way), and I need to take back control so that I can function better while awake.
• I want to recreate some of my old pieces of art (or just one in particular that has some sentimental value) to see how much my drawing skills have improved.
• I am going to use my healthcare plan for all it's worth. I have dental work that needs taken care of, I need to have my thyroid and vision checked, and I might look into seeing a counselor for a couple of lingering issues I'd like to resolve. I'm very thankful for being full-time with health insurance right now. No matter how much free-time I'm sacrificing in the short term, it's going to be worth it in the long-term.

So these are my resolutions. Not a long list, I know, but I think it's fairly manageable. I've set some lofty goals and some very realistic ones, so there's some balance to it.

Stay tuned, it's gonna be a great year!

What a month!

It's the last day, folks.

Of the month, that is. Not of this blog.

Nevertheless, it's the last day of this crazy month-long writing experiment. I do believe it was a success. I learned a few things from it, such as how quickly I can get burnt-out when I haven't written this much in two years. I learned that however short a post appears from my edit field, it looks a whole lot longer when published. I learned that videos don't get a picture preview when I share them on facebook (sadface).

I relearned that I still have a lot of improvements to make on being able to balance home/work/social life/personal projects.

And I'm consistently learning new and better methods of expressing myself in writing. Each sentence is an improvement from the last. It's a gradual uphill walk toward the pinnacle of communication. I may never reach it, but I will always take one step closer each time I write.

So, will I continue to update this blog regularly? I sure want to, because it's started me on thought processes that I want to continue in for a while. But I still need to figure out how often "regular" needs to be. I definitely can't do it every day like I did all of this month, because as the last two weeks have shown, I can't quite handle that continuous streak of writing. Once a week might be a good plan, for now.

So long, July. You've been good to me, but now it's time to kick back and relax a bit, satisfied in a job well done.

Who's the boss?

There's a new manager at work. This means lots of little changes to our daily and weekly routines, as the manager looks at our store from a fresh perspective - a clean slate.

It's got me thinking of some of Jesus' parables about landowners and vineyard owners. Several deal with the owner going away for a little while, entrusting his property to others, and then coming back and seeing how well his servants did in his absence.

When the boss comes back to work the workers must be on their toes, because any sign of slacking and the boss quickly cracks the whip and lets them know they need to speed it up. This isn't because the boss is a big ol' meanie and purposely chooses to only see the negatives, it's because the boss knows the status quo and what is helpful and hurtful for productivity.

When Jesus - rightful King of the Jews - came to earth He did not run things as the disciples hoped He would. He rode in on a humble donkey instead of conquering on a white horse. He made enemies of the religious leaders instead of sucking up to them to get their support. He ate with known sinners and those unpopular with proper Jewish society. He boldly told his followers to take up their crosses and follow Him.

Even after following Him for three years, the disciples still didn't understand what Jesus expected of them. After His death and resurrection, where did Jesus find his disciples? Some were hiding out, scared. Some had already returned to their old jobs! It had only been three days!

This is the struggle of every believer. What does God want me to do? What is His calling for me? After asking that question long enough and not being able to discern an answer... sometimes we want to just lay low for a while. Sometimes we go back to previous dreams.

But God has already called us. Our mission is to proclaim the gospel, making disciples throughout the world. Now, whatever way we choose to do it is up to our particular station in life and the unique opportunities given to us. Some travel great distances, others are able to share the gospel at home or in their local coffee shop.

So, back to those with the discouraged dreams, the seeming lack of communication from God. I've been there. In some senses, I'm still there... but I'm running back in the right direction every day. But just as in the parable of the vineyard workers, it's never too late. Of course, God never promises it will be easy. He's the boss, after all. It's gonna take work. If you shy away from God and then turn back to him, you won't always be comforted immediately. Sometimes it will be very hard to obey him and do what he wants. But in the end, it will be worth it.

I promise.

Irrationality

I went a little overboard with my reading today... but I found a lovely quote:

"We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That's as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect."

It's from "The Wise Man's Fear" by Patrick Rothfuss. Great book, so far.

When words fail...

I have a love-hate relationship with numbers.

They represent concrete and unbending reality. They cannot be bent or twisted. They must be used properly or.

But... it's still possible to play around with them. I can have a little fun by combining them into pleasingly palindromic groupings, or gradual progressions, or arranging them in a way that tells a small story.

I hated math, but I enjoyed equations. I got As and Bs in my math classes, but I did so only because I spent every moment possible in the learning lab. The most ironic part of my math experience: I hated word problems.

But numbers are a good and necessary part of life.

And sometimes, just sometimes, they can cheer me up more than any words can.

Today is the day that my published posts outnumber my unfinished drafts. I was actually feeling really bummed out tonight because I just couldn't seem to figure out what to write about. None of my drafts looked particularly doable, and my brain was on the verge of shorting out.

Then I looked at my post number.

37 drafts
37 published

And tonight, that changes to 38 published posts. All because of the cheering effects of numbers.