The God of grace, not grades

A truth universally acknowledged among the average college student is that the last few weeks of every semester are (almost always) the hardest.

And if you're obsessed with getting good (or better) grades, those same few weeks are hell.

Filled with worries, anxieties and nervous jitters, grade-obsessed students are likely to panic in the last few weeks before finals. They will start nitpicking their syllabuses, counting up how many points they need to make an A, and inwardly sighing at the professors whose grading scales don't include all the point-earning assignments.

Some students become hyper-vigilant and doggedly forge their way through the end of the semester. Others crash and burn, struggling to make it through each day without a homework catastrophe.

I tend to be of the latter variety, except that I start burning out much sooner. I've noticed a trend, too. I burn out at an earlier point in each subsequent semester. I start losing sleep, accidentally sleeping in, trudging through the days, finding difficulty explaining the simplest things and struggling to even write coherent sentences. It's a good thing (in more ways than one) that I'm graduating in May.

Burnout isn't always a symptom of grade-obsession, but despondence is. Whenever I start actually wallowing in despair, the only way out of it is to realize how I got in it. And for me, despondence about school starts when I make grades my idol.

It starts when I begin praying for handouts from God, in the form of energy, clarity and time. This prayer in itself isn't a bad thing, but when it becomes the only communication I have with Him each day, again and again, it starts getting unhealthy. I start unconsciously seeing Him as a rich relative I'm trying to convince to give me a new corvette. I forget the part about being created for His purposes, not my own.

And when He chooses not to honor my requests, knowing full well that they were from a wrong attitude, I grow discontented and wallow more in despair. A dark, dreary cloud of ungratefulness starts to cover my heart, blocking my view of God's great providence.

God wants us to put Him above all things, including good grades. If we spend all our energy on getting the grade, but leave God out while doing so, are we really improving our lives? What is one mark out of many on a transcript when you compare it to a thriving relationship with the most important person in the universe?

Obscurity

Lack of context gets me every time.

I saw something that I thought was awesome at the Friends University Library the other day. It perfectly fit into things that I've been learning about my relationship with God lately.

Specifically, it reminded me of a couple of verses in Philippians that I discussed in Bible study a few weeks ago.

"So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." - Philippians 2:12-13

I've been thinking a lot about these verses for the past two months, because it's one that most people don't understand when they read them at first. The key words, "work out" are what really stand out to me. It's as if God has given us these muscles of salvation and asks us only to use them. He is the one who is working within us. He is the one who makes us strong. We only need to trust that God is doing what He says he is doing. Part of trusting Him is being patient, and yielding to His will if it differs from our own. The wonderful part of this process is that as we grow closer to God, our wills mesh with His will for us.

Text reads: "Your part is to yield yourself; His part is to work."

So, naturally when I saw this calendar at the library circulation desk, I had to take a picture and post it to Facebook, Google+ and Twitter.

Yes, I'm a nerd. I'm a Jesus nerd.

Something so simple as a daily promise calendar can still stir up many little inklings of something greater. And this was not just a simple saying, but a convergence of all the things I have been learning lately through studying, talking with people and my quiet times with God. I was awe-struck to see all these thoughts combined in one sentence.

Unfortunately, it was also prime candidate for "Christianese." This is a language that Christians speak that is highly specific to what we assume other Christians have read and learned. But sometimes, Christians forget that other people don't speak Christianese.

A few days after I posted this picture, one of my non-Christian friends commented on it, asking what it meant. And frankly I still don't know how to respond. How do I explain how I believe God is working in my life when I'm not sure if my explanation will be understood?

Evangelists must have the hardest task of all Christians. They can't simply say whatever they're comfortable saying to other Christians. They must think through what the "uninitiated" would understand and speak to people where those people are rather than where they want them to be.

I really do want to reach people for Christ. But I think my true calling -- for now -- is to help other Christians learn what I've been learning. Perhaps later I will learn to break through the cloud of obscurity that is Christianese.

Three in one

There is so much confusion about the triune nature of God. I think that a lot of it is based on how divisive the different branches of Christianity have become. Different denominations choose to emphasize and de-emphasize different things for their own purposes of interpretation.

It seems to me that fundamental Christianity prefers to emphasize the three O's (omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence) and God's fatherly characteristics. This is what I grew up with, and it happened to help a lot in my faith because my own dad is pretty cool.

Modern Christianity loves to emphasize Christ as lover -- the bridegroom of the Church and the dashing prince who risks his neck to swoop in and save the day. I love this metaphor, and it has become fitting for me to think of Him this way.

And what many would call charismatics prefer to focus in on the Holy Spirit's all-consuming empowerment and the gifts He enables us to use through Him.

(my nomenclature for these categories is not set-in-stone -- it's just a general idea of how different groups can get an unbalanced mindset over time.)

We miss so much when we just limit God to one of these. We fail to realize that a healthy relationship with God involves understanding and relating to him in all three ways. He is simultaneously Father, Lover and Guide. These three distinct people are really rather difficult for the human imagination to condense into one person (Just as the human eye, weak flesh as it is, would go blind if exposed to the raw glory of God), so God relates to us in three.

Feel free to add your thoughts. I would love to get some feedback/verse references to back up my thoughts, because I'm thinking of writing a series of blog posts based on God's trinity.