How many birthdays have you?

Imagine a few more candles and we're there!

I'm 18 today.

Surprised? 

Here's the story: 18 years ago today, I understood for the first time what Jesus' sacrifice on the cross had done for me. I recognized that I was a sinner, realized that I needed Jesus and accepted Him into my heart. That was the day that I was born again.

I know for certain that it was June 27, 1994, because the amazing, godly woman who led me in that prayer keeps records of such things, and I asked her about it a few years ago.

So, now I celebrate two birthdays each year; one physical and one spiritual.

This year is a milestone for me. I've been saved for 3/4 of my life. Also, it signifies the true end of my teenage years. I have gone through six years of college and finally graduated; I've gone through two breakups that both taught me a few valuable lessons; I've experienced the ache of ending friendships - and the miracle of resurrecting one I thought was lost. I've gone through so many changes as a person, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, that I am not even the same person I was a year ago.

And now it's time to enter a new phase: adulthood.

An 18-year-old may not act like an adult, but she is still legally considered an adult and must suffer consequences and receive rewards as an adult does. There are different benefits and different rules that come with being an adult. An adult has more responsibility, yet more freedom to choose how to deal with her responsibilities. An adult does not make excuses, but admits when she is at fault and strives to overcome her weakness. An adult recognizes that "independance" is just a wishful invention of teenagers who think that the rules their elders set for them are restrictive, when, in fact, they are for protection. There is no independence-only a misplaced reliance on the self, which falls away when each person recognizes that they need each other and God to get them through life.

An adult is not defined by what she does, but by who she trusts in every minute of the day. But acting like an adult certainly helps! C.S. Lewis said it well in Mere Christianity:

"Very often the only way to get a quality in reality is to start behaving as if you had it already. That is why children's games are so important. They are always pretending to be grown-ups-playing soldiers, playing shop. But all the time, they are hardening their muscles and sharpening their wits, so that the pretence of being grown-up helps them to grow up in earnest." 

So, from this day forward, I am going to really start acting like an adult. And I will start becoming one. I will keep my trust in Christ always, even when my fears try to tell me he's turned his back. I will strive to know his nature, and lean on him when I know I need his help.

And I'll celebrate little milestones like this: my birthday.

In closing, I'd like to share the second verse of the Birthday song. I'm not sure how many of you have heard or sang this before, but we always sang it in the Grace Brethren church I grew up in, so I've become very fond of this verse:

Happy Birthday to you,
Only one will not do;
Born again means salvation,
How many birthdays have you?

Imagine forever, never alone

I had a vision last month.

In my vision, I was surrounded by a dozen bright angels, but they were all facing away from me. They seemed to be ignoring me, turning away from my pleas for help. All around me I could hear whispers telling me things about myself, things that made me feel awful. I began crying, and I desperately wanted comfort. And these angels didn't seem to care how broken and alone I was.

Then I thought of seeking comfort elsewhere. I tried leaving the angels, but they had formed a tight barricade around me. I felt like a prisoner in that circle of light. I even started suspecting that these angels were saying all the terrible things about me. I couldn't see their faces, so I couldn't rule out that possibility.

Gradually, my eyes grew more acclimated to the light around me. I began to see that more was going on than I first thought. I couldn't see anything of substance beyond the angels. In fact, it seemed like I would be in complete darkness if they weren't there.

And they weren't just standing. The group of them were revolving around me, making dramatic motions that looked quite strange from behind. It might have been an angelic version of the Macarena.

Just as sound travels behind light, my ears were opened to the truth only after my eyes had led them. I began to hear the flinch-worthy sounds of battle.

These angels weren't dancing; they were fighting to protect me!

A swarm of writhing, screeching, gnawing, biting demons was clawing its way toward me, but all of the demons were held back by this wonderful barrier of angels all around me. Not one demon was able to reach me. Not one of them could even catch a glimpse of me. I was safe from their touch, and safe from their gaze.

I couldn't get out, and nothing else could get in.

I was honored and humbled at once. To be so important that a guard of angels fought to protect me, yet so helpless that I couldn't raise my own sword in defense.

In the shock of seeing, hearing and understanding what was going on, I had forgotten about the whispers. As I calmed down, They began to reach me again.

But now, I knew where they were coming from. Insults, gripes, pessimistic foretellings, reminders of failed friendships and injustices... the demons were behind them all. Because they could not touch me, they shouted insults my way. The enemy lashed out with words to spite the words my creator spoke to give me life. And because I was blinded to their presence, I felt alone and worthless.

But when I realized all of this, the flame of their words dwindled and fell like ash.

And I realized something else.


I am never alone.